Friday, December 31, 2010

Reflections, Resolutions, Renewal.

Brace yourselves, readers (you know, all three of you out there reading this!). As 2010 nears to a close, I've been struck by the rather maudlin but not unsurprising urge to reflect on the past year. It's about to get up close and personal!

2010 was not an easy year for me. I'm going to take a page out of Queen Elizabeth II's book and refer to 2010 as my own "annus horribilus." Maybe you've been there, or maybe you know someone who's been there...in an unhealthy relationship, where you just completely lose any sense of who you are, because you're so wrapped up in this other person, you seek approval, you want to be...good enough for this person, instead of good enough for you.

This past year was all about relationships for me - I destroyed some through my own stubborn, blind refusal to let go, to admit I was wrong. I clung on to others that ended up hurting me very much. I learned to let go of ones that weren't healthy, no matter how much this hurt me. I strengthened and renewed old ones with people I realized had never stopped caring about me. And I forged new ones with people I had never even met just four months ago.

My mum told me at one point this past summer that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The hard part is figuring out just what role certain people are meant to play in our lives.

Moving to Russia was one of the best decisions of my life, and the last four months of 2010 have helped restore a lot of my self-confidence that had been shattered. Yeah, I still get lost every now and then...and my Russian language abilities haven't drastically improved (one of my resolutions is to start diligently practicing grammar!), but I've realized that I can take care of myself, that I'm capable of a lot more than I thought.

I'm happy to see 2010 go, and I'm excited to see what 2011 has in store for me. I learned so much this year, through my own mistakes and through other people's actions. New year, new Katie? Not really. I don't want to be a new Katie, because the old Katie, the one before 2010, the one who smiled all the time, who believed in herself, who loved herself, who believed in true love, that's who I want to be again. And I think I'm on the way to reclaiming her.

I can raise a glass to that.

Happy New Year, and may 2011 bring us all happiness, joy, laughter, and love. Thank you to everyone who has put up with me this past year - I know it wasn't easy at times (ha, who am I kidding...most of the time) and I am so, so grateful that I've learned the meaning of "unconditional love" because of your support!

С Новым Годом!

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